My nine month old still doesn't sleep through the night. She's slept continuously between 10pm and 5am a total of twice. Ever.
I was lying in our guest bed nursing her and snuggling a couple of nights ago when I realized I don't really want her to sleep through the night. Not like I'm making an active effort to keep her from sleeping through the night or I'll cry my eyes out when she does, but I haven't made it my mission like everyone in the entire world seems to think it should be.
I like cuddling with her,
just the two of us,
while the rest of the world
It's nice. It's this perfect, warm, relaxing time we get to spend together when nothing else is going on besides us being together. If she didn't get up in the middle of the night the only time we would get to nurse is before bed and first thing in the morning when I'm thinking about all the things I need to do to get ready for work and out the door.
Okay, so there's that. There is my fondness for the time we get to spend together and the bond I have with my middle of the night nursing infant. Then, there is the message I get from the world that if my child isn't sleeping through the night at this point I am doing something wrong and my goal in life should be to correct my behavior so I can fix the problem.
The message is clear
If your infant sleeps through the night,
you are a good parent and
you are doing everything right.
If your infant doesn't by
almost nine months of age,
you have failed in some way and
not only are you not as good a parent as you should be
you are creating a situation which will have horrible consequences
if you do not change your bad parenting ways.
So there's that too.
And then there is the feeling of jealousy when my sister tells me her 4 1/2 month old slept for 10 hours last night. I'm not sure if it's real jealousy from the exhausted part of me or jealousy that she's going to be perceived as a vastly superior parent or my own internalization of this message and wish that I was a "good parent."
I have no idea, but I know thinking about it makes me feel emotionally exhausted, much more than I'm physically exhausted from having slept through the night three times in the last nine months (Norie stayed with Grandma once).
So yeah, sleeping through the night. What's that like?